Example of Why I Should Stop Drinking #2

Drunk texting with co-worker.
3:05 am

Ms. Cynic: Still up?
Co-worker: Always
MC: haha Allison is dragging me from the bar
CW: haha, what u do? :)
MC: Um shes taking me home?
CW: Thats no fun
MC: Um I cant drive
CW: Understandable, but if u could... :)
MC: Well i mean i legally shouldnt drive...
CW: *some kind of evil devil smiley face*
CW: I can drive just nowhere 2 go, just chilln after the keg
MC: ...?
CW: And that was me grinning evily 4 u driving "legally"
MC: being facetious (the best part is the word "facetious" is in my search bar for webster.com on my browser)
CW: 4 being drunk u use big wrds... :)
MC: I mean...sorry for having for having a large vocab...english teacher...
CW: Its coo u can use words with more than 2 sylables in a sentence and b cute
MC: I would hope so considering that means im not an idiot

Example of Why I Should Stop Drinking #1

I woke up Saturday morning and discovered I had the following "status" on Facebook:

"Ms. Cynic feels like everuone is hooking up btu her...oh well, she can possily wait for what she wants. 3:34 am "

a) I think the last part is referring to The Ex. Apparently at the bar I stood in the bathroom for about 30 minutes talking to him on the phone. I also have outgoing texts to him saying I "miss him in my life" and "wished he was in town" that night.

b) None of my friends actually were hooking up with anyone; it was all in my sad little drunk mind.

Awkward Guy Night

So last night was the first time I've really gone OUT out in about 2 weeks. Needless to say, my tolerance was a little low. I had a few VERY awkward encounters with males:



GUY #1: Former co-worker--we will call him Pete
A little note about Pete...he was kind of "that guy" at work...the guy who always invited himself to parties and was weird and awkward and nobody really wanted him around. His ex-girlfriend "Lauren" is now dating a guy that works at my job, "Allen."

Pete: Hey, Ms. C, how's it going?
Me: Uh, hey, Pete, good...how are you?
Pete: Oh you know, good good...I work SomePlace now...it's good.
Me: That is good.
Pete: Yeah, I mean, I never hang out w/ anyone from YourRestaurant anymore...you know, kinda sucks. I miss you guys. (I am thinking: Oh God, are we really going to do THIS?) And I mean, I know Lauren is dating Allen, but I mean, whatever. I just want her to be happy. (I am thinking: YOU ARE SUCH A BUZZKILL!!) But yeah, I am gonna go smoke a cigarette. I'll be right back.

*comes back*

Pete: Yeah, I really hope that Lauren and Allen don't come here...I'd be a little mad. Well, there's my friends; gotta go. But hey, Ms. C, I just wanted to tell you...I have always thought you are so beautiful, and I couldn't really say anything before coz I had a girlfriend, but you are so beautiful, and I just wanted to tell you that you should never set your standards low.


Guy(s) #2: Random Bar Guy(s)
So my friend bought us a shot, and this guy with long blonde hair and a fedora comes up to us and says, "Hey, you should come sit with my friend and me....we are bored." So we do.

Fedora: This is my friend. Do you want another shot?
Friend: (pulls out a deck of cards and proceeds to do card tricks)
Me: I guess that is cool, but I am drunk, not 5.
Card: Ouch, sorry.
Me: What is your last name?
Card: You'll have to come back here tomorrow night and find me.
(Fedora comes back, I take the shot, and we leave.)



Guy #3: A Blast from the Past...we'll call him "Jared"
So this is a guy I don't know too well. I had a party last year, and he came with some people I know. HE WAS SO ANNOYING. He is one of those guys who will talk your ear off (kind of like Pete)...to him this is considered flirting....to you, you just want to hang yourself; however, with him, if you don't flirt back then he just considers you a bitch and gets mad. I hadn't seen him in a LONG time.

Jared: Hey, haven't seen you in awhile.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Jared: How have you been?
Me: Good. You?
Jared: Good...man, last time I saw you, you were so mean to me.
Me: No, I wasn't.
(The conversation continues with him telling me how mean I am and me trying to fight the urge to tell him exactly what I think of him.)

So I wake up this morning, and I have a Facebook message from him with the following:

i had to give u a hard time tonite cuz u alway give me one! well anyways under one condition i want u give me your number and thats if u think im cute!

I barely understand what he was trying to say.

Oh man, my life is just full of awkwardness.....and I love it.

moment you'd swear I was blonde #1

So I was driving around last night with the BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who aren't hip) last night, and she started singing, "One is the loneliest number..." This made me think of a movie, so I asked, "Have you seen Mongolia?"

"No, what is it about?"

"Well, let me see if I can remember...it starts off talking about all these interesting/freaky stories about things that were supposed to be coincidence...I mean, I really don't remember. Then, I think it starts playing the song you were singing with a montage, which includes Tom Cruise as a motivational speaker urging his audience to RESPECT THE PENIS...or something like tha-----"

"Wait, are you talking about MAGNOLIA???"

"Oh."

Ouch.

So last Thursday I was ironing my shirt for work.

Hold on. Back up.

I must explain....

I have a table-top ironing board that I have placed on my mini-fridge.

Also, a couple days before, I accidentally dripped bleach on my black work pants.

Okay, where was I?

So I was ironing my shirt for work. I finished this and then decided to try to color in the bleach sports with a black Sharpie. I stupidly decided to do this ON the ironing board. Before I knew it, the pressure I was putting on the ironing board by leaning on it caused the board to slip off my fridge and my iron to fall on my arm!!!

Yes, I'm quite sure they're 2nd degree burns.














Probably should have gone to the doctor, but I didn't. I've been doctoring it myself, and it seems to be healing just fine. My problem is that because I've been wearing a bandage in the same spot so often, I've started to have a reaction to the bandage and have now broken out around the burn.

Gerrrrr.