Awkward Guy Night

So last night was the first time I've really gone OUT out in about 2 weeks. Needless to say, my tolerance was a little low. I had a few VERY awkward encounters with males:



GUY #1: Former co-worker--we will call him Pete
A little note about Pete...he was kind of "that guy" at work...the guy who always invited himself to parties and was weird and awkward and nobody really wanted him around. His ex-girlfriend "Lauren" is now dating a guy that works at my job, "Allen."

Pete: Hey, Ms. C, how's it going?
Me: Uh, hey, Pete, good...how are you?
Pete: Oh you know, good good...I work SomePlace now...it's good.
Me: That is good.
Pete: Yeah, I mean, I never hang out w/ anyone from YourRestaurant anymore...you know, kinda sucks. I miss you guys. (I am thinking: Oh God, are we really going to do THIS?) And I mean, I know Lauren is dating Allen, but I mean, whatever. I just want her to be happy. (I am thinking: YOU ARE SUCH A BUZZKILL!!) But yeah, I am gonna go smoke a cigarette. I'll be right back.

*comes back*

Pete: Yeah, I really hope that Lauren and Allen don't come here...I'd be a little mad. Well, there's my friends; gotta go. But hey, Ms. C, I just wanted to tell you...I have always thought you are so beautiful, and I couldn't really say anything before coz I had a girlfriend, but you are so beautiful, and I just wanted to tell you that you should never set your standards low.


Guy(s) #2: Random Bar Guy(s)
So my friend bought us a shot, and this guy with long blonde hair and a fedora comes up to us and says, "Hey, you should come sit with my friend and me....we are bored." So we do.

Fedora: This is my friend. Do you want another shot?
Friend: (pulls out a deck of cards and proceeds to do card tricks)
Me: I guess that is cool, but I am drunk, not 5.
Card: Ouch, sorry.
Me: What is your last name?
Card: You'll have to come back here tomorrow night and find me.
(Fedora comes back, I take the shot, and we leave.)



Guy #3: A Blast from the Past...we'll call him "Jared"
So this is a guy I don't know too well. I had a party last year, and he came with some people I know. HE WAS SO ANNOYING. He is one of those guys who will talk your ear off (kind of like Pete)...to him this is considered flirting....to you, you just want to hang yourself; however, with him, if you don't flirt back then he just considers you a bitch and gets mad. I hadn't seen him in a LONG time.

Jared: Hey, haven't seen you in awhile.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Jared: How have you been?
Me: Good. You?
Jared: Good...man, last time I saw you, you were so mean to me.
Me: No, I wasn't.
(The conversation continues with him telling me how mean I am and me trying to fight the urge to tell him exactly what I think of him.)

So I wake up this morning, and I have a Facebook message from him with the following:

i had to give u a hard time tonite cuz u alway give me one! well anyways under one condition i want u give me your number and thats if u think im cute!

I barely understand what he was trying to say.

Oh man, my life is just full of awkwardness.....and I love it.

moment you'd swear I was blonde #1

So I was driving around last night with the BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who aren't hip) last night, and she started singing, "One is the loneliest number..." This made me think of a movie, so I asked, "Have you seen Mongolia?"

"No, what is it about?"

"Well, let me see if I can remember...it starts off talking about all these interesting/freaky stories about things that were supposed to be coincidence...I mean, I really don't remember. Then, I think it starts playing the song you were singing with a montage, which includes Tom Cruise as a motivational speaker urging his audience to RESPECT THE PENIS...or something like tha-----"

"Wait, are you talking about MAGNOLIA???"

"Oh."

PARTY MONSTER....VIEW THIS FILM!!

Okay, for those of you who have never seen/heard of Party Monster, it takes place in NYC during the late 80s/early 90s. The movie is based on the book Disco Bloodbath by James St. James (Seth Green's character), which is a true story about Michael Alig's (Mac Culkin's character) rise to fame in the clubscene.

From Wikipedia:

"Party Monster (2003) is a drama/dark comedy that details the rise and fall of infamous homosexual^[1][2]New York party promoter Michael Alig. The movie stars former child star Macaulay Culkin as the drug addled "King of the Club Kids". Also in the film are Seth Green as the flamboyant and slightly smarter James St. James, Dylan McDermott as Alig's boss/father figure Peter Gatien, Chloë Sevigny as Alig's girlfriend/fag hag Gitsie, Wilmer Valderrama as his onetime boyfriend DJ Keoki, Wilson Cruz as drug dealer/Club Kid wannabe Angel Melendez, and Marilyn Manson as Christina, a transsexual member of Alig's entourage. A number of real life club kids appeared as extras, including fashion designer Richie Rich and David LaChapelle's transsexual muse Amanda Lepore.

The film is based on St. James' novel Disco Bloodbath, and details his friendship with Alig, which fell apart as Alig's drug addiction worsened, and ended after he murdered Melendez and went to prison. "


And no, I did not just give anything away; you find out about the murder in the first scene.

Anyyyyyway, this movie is scary at times, heartbreaking at times, mind blowing at times, and hilarious at times. I will admit that I find Mac's performance to be a little annoying at times (although I know this is how the real Michael Alig acted); however, SETH GREEN STEALS THE SHOW!! He is absolutely brilliant!!

Alright, you have your assignment; NOW GO!

PS: I also highly recommend researching the phenomena of the Club Kids, as it is highly fascinating (at least to me anyway).
************************************************
"I am not addicted to drugs; I'm addicted to glamour." -- James St. James

No more.

If I get one more bitchy/catty message left on the fridge by one of my roommates, I am going to snap.

I already feel like the "odd girl out" anyway, and I am sick of getting messages that single me out for ridiculous things.

If you want your check for the utilities the day BEFORE the date you said you needed it, then fucking tell me THAT date; otherwise, give me some credit and know that you will get it on the date you said you needed it.

FUCK!

Sorry, I am already having a bad day as it is, and that just put me over the edge.

I am really disturbed about this...

R.I.P. Heath Ledger 04.04.79--01.22.08

I'm kinda shook up about this, because I feel like Heath is the first celebrity of my generation to die an untimely death. I just keep thinking about how Michele Williams is dealing, and what's going to happen when their two-year old daughter Matilda (whose name I adore) wonders where her daddy is.

Heartbreaking.

WTFFFFFF?????!!!

So Friday night two of my room mates had a small bunch of people over (maybe 5 at most...and only one of which was a girl) to drink, play beer pong, and hang out. I did not partake; I went out to the bars. When I got home, they were still here, so we went to bed, whatever, right?

The next day I wake up, go to my bathroom, and discover my hair straightener is gone....my $125 CHI.

What the FUCK????!!!

Who steals something like that.....seriously????

I am so upset / PISSED OFF.

I mean seriously....WTF???

Revelation

I have officially decided that I hate the term "shitshow." ie: "This weekend we are going to drink so much it will be a complete shitshow!"

Maybe I just have a vulgar mind, but whenever I hear that phrase I envision a party or bar of people taking shots and flinging poo at each other. Is it just me?

I really don't know why....but I really just hate that word.

Indications That You are One Lazy MOFO #1

You drink wine from a coffee cup, because you don't want to walk all the way to the kitchen to get a wine glass.

Britney Sightings.....where is she now?

According to Perez, Britney is all over the place, and no one really knows quite where she is.


First she was in Manhatten. No wait, then she was in Mexico. No, she was in Baja, CA. Now, apparently, she's back home in LA.

She's a real-life Where's Waldo (complete with pink wig).

My advice? Stop jet-setting for publicity, and focus on your upcoming court date about your CHILDREN!!!! Apparently, K-Fed wants her to be court ordered to not see the kids til April. But what's four months when you're busy frequenting the Starbucks of the country with an unattractive, womanizing Papparazzo?

Check out my Bible: www.perezhilton.com!

PS: Do you think Britney's current song on her iPod is "Addiction" by Kanye? Perhaps.

A Much Needed Letter

Dear Britney Spears,

As you may or may not know, I hated you growing up. I felt that you were a horrible role model. In fact, I even dressed up as you for Halloween in 7th grade complete with slutty spandex pants and what I considered at the time to be "trashy" hair and makeup. Basically, you made me feel bad about myself, because I thought I was fat. In my opinion, you had the perfect body. In retrospect, I was jealous.

Nowadays?

I no longer envy you! Holy fuck, Britney Spears, what the hell happened to you? It's one thing to hop on the Hollywood bandwagon of drugs, partying, and general debauchery, but you have children for Chrissake! How are you going to feel when they are old enough to see pictures of how psychotic you are and understand them? I'm sure they are going to be oh-so-proud of their Mommy. Because of you, the Federline boys will be forever taunted on the playground.

So congratulations, Ms. Trainwreck of the Year! You are now only a role model for wannabe drug addicts, psychos, and bad mothers!

Cheers,
Ms. C

PS: I found this on Perez : www.whenisbritneygoingtodie.com