So I think I miss The Ex.

There.

I said it.

Britney Sightings.....where is she now?

According to Perez, Britney is all over the place, and no one really knows quite where she is.


First she was in Manhatten. No wait, then she was in Mexico. No, she was in Baja, CA. Now, apparently, she's back home in LA.

She's a real-life Where's Waldo (complete with pink wig).

My advice? Stop jet-setting for publicity, and focus on your upcoming court date about your CHILDREN!!!! Apparently, K-Fed wants her to be court ordered to not see the kids til April. But what's four months when you're busy frequenting the Starbucks of the country with an unattractive, womanizing Papparazzo?

Check out my Bible: www.perezhilton.com!

PS: Do you think Britney's current song on her iPod is "Addiction" by Kanye? Perhaps.

A Much Needed Letter

Dear Britney Spears,

As you may or may not know, I hated you growing up. I felt that you were a horrible role model. In fact, I even dressed up as you for Halloween in 7th grade complete with slutty spandex pants and what I considered at the time to be "trashy" hair and makeup. Basically, you made me feel bad about myself, because I thought I was fat. In my opinion, you had the perfect body. In retrospect, I was jealous.

Nowadays?

I no longer envy you! Holy fuck, Britney Spears, what the hell happened to you? It's one thing to hop on the Hollywood bandwagon of drugs, partying, and general debauchery, but you have children for Chrissake! How are you going to feel when they are old enough to see pictures of how psychotic you are and understand them? I'm sure they are going to be oh-so-proud of their Mommy. Because of you, the Federline boys will be forever taunted on the playground.

So congratulations, Ms. Trainwreck of the Year! You are now only a role model for wannabe drug addicts, psychos, and bad mothers!

Cheers,
Ms. C

PS: I found this on Perez : www.whenisbritneygoingtodie.com

This can't be happening.

lMaybe I miss him....?

VMA's; minute by minute commentary

Britney Spears' performance
So her first performance since.....she went crazy, I guess. It was...decent, I'll say. First of all, the costume? Yuck. She was wearing...basically a sparkly bra and underwear with knee-high boots. She could have kept the top if she had put some pants on. Her butt was jiggling the whole time. So Britney isn't as energetic as she once was. Although I was never a huge fan of hers, I always gave her props for putting on a good show. Where was the enthusiasm, Brit? She literally walked from dance block to dance block. It was almost lazy. She did have a couple of cool moves, but they in no way made up for the fact that she was so obviously lip synching it was painful to watch. At some points she didn't even move her lips...like there wasn't even an attempt at looking legit. All in all, I'd give her a C for effort....I mean, the chick's been through a lot. Keep practicing, Brit.

Sarah Silverman's opening monologue
Crazy as usual. I usually laugh at her coz she makes me uncomfortable;although, she just told one joke that made me crack up: "So I was backstage, and I saw C-Lo. I asked him if he had encountered any racism. And he gave me this really weird response. He said, 'I'm Kanye West'." Other than that funny joke, same 'ol Sarah Silverman.

Alicia Keys presenting
Ummmmm....where has she been? She is way too shiny.

Nicole S and Eve presenting
Where has Eve been too? Nicole looked stunning as usual.

Kanye West performance
I just love him. I don't care what anyone says.

Rihanna award
Her dress is gorgeous. It's a hot pink number, and I want it.

Maroon 5 performing
Adam Levine is just so yummy. I'm disappointed that this was just a "filler" performance, and we only got to see like one minute of it.

Justin Timberlake award
I honestly can't tell you what award he just won. I'm too busy staring and drooling.

50 Cent/Kanye
The little face-off they just did was hilarious. For those of you who don't know: both Kanye and 50's albums are dropping on Tuesday (9/11). 50 has announced that if Kanye outsells him, 50 will retire. They're not even talking to each other.

Beyonce award
She won 'Best Collaboration' with Shakira. She looks beautiful as always, but I don't quite know how I feel about her toga-inspired dress. Her boobs are about to pop out.

Chris Brown performance
One word: DAMN! This dude can DANCE! I am in awe of him. Rihanna looks beautiful too.

Justin Timberlake award
Again, I just wanna crawl through the TV screen. His comments about Chris Brown being young are funny.

Ludacris not going on stage
So Fergie just won an award, and she couldn't make it. The presenter (I don't even know who this kid is) just jokingly invited Ludacris onstage, and Luda declined! C'mon, Luda....I don't see you winning any awards.

Pamela Anderson
Same as always.....at least her dress was some-what modest.

Kanye performance (new song)
Never heard this song before...don't really like it, but Kanye is still always fun to watch.

Rihanna performance
I love her little punkish, Madonna circa 1985 inspired mini-dress.

Nelly presenting
Ummm....holding a beer and can barely get his words out. Classy.

Alica Keys performance
I don't like her headband thingy. I miss the Alicia who used to pound the shit out of a piano. I don't really like the little gospel group in the background. Wow, this just turned into a church gathering.

Jamie Fox and Jennifer Garner presenting
Did anyone else just see the tech guy like push Jennifer down the steps? Anyway, Jamie Fox is crazy, and Jennifer looks gorgeous as usual. hahaha...Jamie is cracking me up.

Best New Artist: Gym Class Heroes
Probably the only award these guys will even win.

50 Cent performance
If you're trying to promote your new album, why would you perform "In Da Club"? Promote your new shit!

Mary J. Blige
Mary, I don't like your blonde bob. Sorry.

Dr. Dre
Wait, he's presenting an award? So they had a presenter present a presenter? Weird. Dang I thought he was performing.

Rihanna--Video of the Year
Wow, this is Rihanna's year. Really love her hair!

Young Joc and Diddy
Diddy: "It's not over til I saw it's over." Man, this dude is just full of himself in general.
Young Joc: "Don't go nowhere!" Mannnnnn, bad grammar is sooooo cool!!!

Nelly Furtado/Timbaland/JT
Nelly Furtado: gorgeous

Laser lights are hurting my eyes.

Timbaland: Wow, I never realized how buff he is. :)

JT: O.....M....G. Britney Spears, wtf the fuck were you thinking let him go???!!??

"Give It to Me": I was hoping they'd all perform this song! Well.....that ending was abrupt.

And so is mine.

Ouch.

So last Thursday I was ironing my shirt for work.

Hold on. Back up.

I must explain....

I have a table-top ironing board that I have placed on my mini-fridge.

Also, a couple days before, I accidentally dripped bleach on my black work pants.

Okay, where was I?

So I was ironing my shirt for work. I finished this and then decided to try to color in the bleach sports with a black Sharpie. I stupidly decided to do this ON the ironing board. Before I knew it, the pressure I was putting on the ironing board by leaning on it caused the board to slip off my fridge and my iron to fall on my arm!!!

Yes, I'm quite sure they're 2nd degree burns.














Probably should have gone to the doctor, but I didn't. I've been doctoring it myself, and it seems to be healing just fine. My problem is that because I've been wearing a bandage in the same spot so often, I've started to have a reaction to the bandage and have now broken out around the burn.

Gerrrrr.

Fergalicious Def....

With the help of "The Dutchess," I now know how to spell the following words:

glamorous
delicious
tastEy (other less reliable sources tell me that there is no "E" but they obviously don't know what they're talking about)

Thank you, Fergie.

********************************************************************

"And I'm like 'get up out my face' 'fore I turn around and spray yo' ass with mace." - The Ferg...brilliance