<3 & :-)

Things are greatttt!!!!

*crosses fingers*

New boy in the picture.

:-)

oh. em. gee.

The dog in the apartment above mine has been barking NON-STOP for about 3 hours straight now.

I am going to scream.

Hola.

So Carmen motivated me to remind everyone that I am in fact still alive.

So, yes, I am alive.

Today was the second day of school. It's actually going pretty well. I'm a little overwhelmed, but that is to be expected. I already heard a girl today say she didn't like me. Yes! That means I am doing my job. haha.

Well, I am really busy, but I'll be back soon!

yessss!!!!!

I GOT A TEACHING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!

great.

My basement is semi-flooded, including my bedroom.

My desk has been relocated to the kitchen table for the time being, and I have to sleep in my room mate's room.

My BFF made plans and did not invite me.

Fuck it.

I'm getting a Steak'n'Shake milkshake and watching Flight of the Conchords all night.

omg.

First teaching job interview in an hour.

I.am.terrified.

Example of Why I Should Stop Drinking #2

Drunk texting with co-worker.
3:05 am

Ms. Cynic: Still up?
Co-worker: Always
MC: haha Allison is dragging me from the bar
CW: haha, what u do? :)
MC: Um shes taking me home?
CW: Thats no fun
MC: Um I cant drive
CW: Understandable, but if u could... :)
MC: Well i mean i legally shouldnt drive...
CW: *some kind of evil devil smiley face*
CW: I can drive just nowhere 2 go, just chilln after the keg
MC: ...?
CW: And that was me grinning evily 4 u driving "legally"
MC: being facetious (the best part is the word "facetious" is in my search bar for webster.com on my browser)
CW: 4 being drunk u use big wrds... :)
MC: I mean...sorry for having for having a large vocab...english teacher...
CW: Its coo u can use words with more than 2 sylables in a sentence and b cute
MC: I would hope so considering that means im not an idiot

Math was never my strong point.

+ The grade that I was worried about actually does count, so I will actually be graduating---my degree will be processed on Wednesday...yesss!!
+ For graduation, my mom is taking me to the Dominican Republic in July.
+ Today I applied for my first passport. I feel so worldly and sophisticated.
- My friend thinks she's pregnant.
+ It's Cinco de Mayo, and I of course will be partaking in celebration.
- He told me all he can be is my friend.
- One of my room mates is moving out right now (not, because of anything bad...she graduated is going home....it's just still sad).
+ I am wearing the cutest shirt right now.
+ I am listening to my newly made "100% Non-Hispanic Music Cinco de Mayo" Mix.
- I have to start applying for teaching jobs this week....blahhhh.
- I still haven't heard from the one school I have applied to...I realllllly want the job.
+ NO MORE HOMEWORK!
+ I can do whatever I want now, because I don't have to feel guilty for doing it instead of schoolwork.
- I am still behind on my rent.
+ Did I mention Coronas and margs??

no, thanks

Let the job search begin!

*groan*

bittersweet.

I am graduating from college today.

HERstory

You met him freshman year of high school. He had gone to one of the other middle schools in the township. He was the skinny, awkward kid who wore ugly red basketball shoes. None of your friends thought he was cute.

He made you laugh.

He walked you across the school from gym to band everyday. You finally realized you had a huge crush on him.

He "asked you out" in late February. You started "dating." You never actually went on dates. You were 14 with strict parents. You were together for a month before you had your first kiss (your first ever). It was at the NBA fieldhouse during the high school state championship game. It was kind of awkward.

Spring Break came, and he left one week early to go on a trip to China. You missed him terribly. Your "reunion" was awkward. No more kisses since the first one. You got bored and broke up with in early May.

Sophomore year of high school. He sees you at school and emails you asking if you'd ever think about getting back together. You say no. You go to a football game and are allegedly a huge bitch to him. He emails you back saying he wouldn't want to get back together anyway, because you've "changed."

May of Sophomore year you start dating someone else. You find yourself talking to him about your current relationship all the time, and for some reason, it's not weird to you. You break up with your boyfriend November of Junior year. Then you start hanging out with him again. You enjoy his company, but you kiss one day...and it's terrible. You are turned off and tell him it's not going to work again. He starts dating someone else.

March of Junior year you meet who think is a great guy at work. He goes to a different high school in the area. You typically only see him weekends and at work. His girlfriend goes to your high school. You get a bit jealous seeing the two of them together when you see your own boyfriend so sparingly. Or maybe that's not what you're really jealous about?

You take your boyfriend to prom. You see him and his girlfriend. They are dancing; they are cute together. You get jealous. Your relationship with your boyfriend is slowly falling apart while theirs seems to be blossoming.

Summer before Senior year of high school. You take summer school. So does he. You don't have the same class, but you talk during every break, and as the days progress, you start hanging out in the parking lot after school, then you hang out in the library, then you start getting lunch together. You find yourself looking forward to whenever you can hang out with him.

Meanwhile, you can tell his girlfriend is starting resent you, and you almost never see your boyfriend. You tell him that you're thinking about breaking up with your boyfriend, and he says that he doesn't treat you right and that you should. He says that his girlfriend is boring and they have nothing in common and doesn't want to be with her anymore.

Finally, one night you have to go to work just to talk to your boyfriend. You manage to get him to take a break to go out to your car and talk to you. He talks first. And breaks up with you. You're pissed that he has turned it around on you, but whatever. You're free. The first thing you do is call him and tell him. He says he's decided to break up with his girlfriend.

They break up. Now what do you do? You tell him that you feel bad, because to everyone else it's going to seem as though he broke up with her just because of you. He says don't worry, because we both know that's not the case. (Believe it or not, at this point the two of you haven't even discussed getting back together....you were just helping each other through break ups and hanging out)

You start hanging out more and more. Even to the point of going to his house late after work. One day, for some reason, you tell him your idea of the perfect kiss. That you're with someone you have a good time with, and you're just sitting there talking. Then you start laughing together, maybe the person starts tickling you or something. Then you stop laughing, and look at each other, and have the most breath-taking kiss of your life. You go home.

You hang out again one night, watching a movie. Your perfect kiss happens, down to the last detail. You start dating again.

You're inseparable. Everyone "knew this would happen." You don't care; you're blissfully happy. You experience everything with him: you say the three magic words, you both get into the same college, you go to prom, you graduate high school, you lose your virginities to each other. College rolls around, and everything seems like it will be perfect.

Until you feel like you've lost your identity. You're no longer You; you're His Girlfriend. You only hang out with his friends, because you never got around to making your own. You start to feel restless, like there's something else out there, like you need to experience college on your own; maybe experience other guys. You subconsciously start to distance yourself from him, and he notices.

You break his heart. You break your own.

Throughout sophomore year, you hang out occasionally, randomly hooking up. You have your share of hook ups with other guys as well, but you never actually date anyone else. You start wondering what all the hype is about. As awful as it is, you know you can always count on him to be around. You probably start taking advantage of that.

October of Junior year of college, you get drunk and go to a party where he is. You pull him aside and sit him on the basement steps and pour your heart out to him. You confess your love to him, that you'd never stopped loving him and want him back. He rejects you. You don't talk for a month.

You eventually see him out again, and you're both drunk. You go home with him. The next morning, he starts trying to kiss you, but you're sober and don't want to get hurt. You have an argument, and you leave. A couple weeks later, he instant messages you, seeing if he should talk to you. You tell how much he hurt you for rejecting you and then sleeping with you and then messing with your feelings by trying to kiss you. He says he's sorry for "rejecting" you, that he was drunk and it came so suddenly and he didn't have time to think. He says he kept trying to kiss you, because he needed to see if you still had a spark.

You eventually start talking again, slowly seeing more of each other. He plays the "boyfriend" and agrees to be your DD on your 21st birthday. He takes care of you when you get home and are puking all over the place and telling him not to "fucking touch you." He holds you in his arms and strokes your hair as you drunkenly cry yourself to sleep (for no reason, of course).

Then. He has a huge family issue. He is devastated. He calls you first. You go to him, help him through it. The two of you decide that you've pretty much already gotten back together. The school year ends, and his lease is up so he has to go home for the summer. You are staying the summer in your college town. It's a difficult long distance relationship; you find that you're too immature to handle it, even though you're only an hour away. You get a new job. Even though you're happy with him, you start meeting new guys at work and get curious.

You break up with him. Again.

Again, sporadicly littered with a few random hookups. None of them mean anything to you. In fact, sometimes you find yourself with another guy and thinking to yourself, "You're not him." Spring Break found you hooking up with one of your friend's friends. He was flirty with you for a month or so. Then you went up to Purdue, and he was a complete asshole. He called you that night out of the blue, and you were so happy.

You keep thinking about him. You keep thinking about the future and about how you want him in yours. You find out that he will be staying in your college town for grad school, and if you get the job you want, you will too. It just seems too perfect. But you don't think he'll give you another chance.

Last night, you met up at a bar. You both got drunk. He came home with you.

Then he freaked out about how he "told himself not to do this again," saying it was a "mistake," but you could still tell there's something there. You cried yourself to sleep.

What do you do?

So I think I miss The Ex.

There.

I said it.

!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I just wanna go back to bed...

So as awesome as Spring Break was, it really messed me up in several regards.

a) My eating habits. I have always had a hearty appetite and a major tendency to overeat. Well, in January I started yoga, and I told myself my eating habits had to change. So I started drinking coffee every morning as an appetite suppressant and started eating several small meals in a day instead of three huge ones. This, coupled with the yoga, and I really started to see results. Wellllll, when I went on Spring Break, I knew I'd eat a little more since it was vacation; however, I I didn't anticipate the housemates cooking amazing gourmet meals every night. I literally ate more in one week than I had in MONTHS, and now that I am back home, I find myself reverting back to my old ways. In the morning: a HUGE cup of coffee.

b) My sleep schedule. So I'm definitely a "partier." I go out every weekend; however, my body was not prepared to binge drink six nights in a row and function on about four to five hours of sleep every night. Pair that with two nights of driving straight through, and my sleep schedule was fuuucked. The past two mornings it has been very hard to get out of bed. For example, last night I went to bed at 12:30, so I set my alarm for 8:30. What time did I actually get up? 11:35. Gahhhh!!!!! I have to get back into a routine.

c) My head. I keep thinking about this guy, which is stupid, because I know his history. My friend warned me before I even got involved. Blah, well, I will see him this weekend.

:O)

So I'm not a big smoker or a big fan of country music, but I have just discovered my new favorite thing:

Driving with the window rolled down, smoking a cigarette, and belting country music.

Makes me happy.

Lovin' in Alabama

So I just got back from Spring Break yesterday afternoon. Went to Gulf Shores, Alabama with 10 other people (only knew three of them beforehand). It was a blast, and we stayed in the most amazing cottage on the lake!

I also had my first "Spring Break fling." Yeah, yeah...haha. I suppose it wasn't a true fling, however, because he is one of my friends' friends. Also, because I left so much of my stuff in peoples' cars, I have to go to the Purdue next weekend.......which means I will more than likely see him again.

hmmmmmm......

Example of Why I Should Stop Drinking #1

I woke up Saturday morning and discovered I had the following "status" on Facebook:

"Ms. Cynic feels like everuone is hooking up btu her...oh well, she can possily wait for what she wants. 3:34 am "

a) I think the last part is referring to The Ex. Apparently at the bar I stood in the bathroom for about 30 minutes talking to him on the phone. I also have outgoing texts to him saying I "miss him in my life" and "wished he was in town" that night.

b) None of my friends actually were hooking up with anyone; it was all in my sad little drunk mind.

Awkward Guy Night

So last night was the first time I've really gone OUT out in about 2 weeks. Needless to say, my tolerance was a little low. I had a few VERY awkward encounters with males:



GUY #1: Former co-worker--we will call him Pete
A little note about Pete...he was kind of "that guy" at work...the guy who always invited himself to parties and was weird and awkward and nobody really wanted him around. His ex-girlfriend "Lauren" is now dating a guy that works at my job, "Allen."

Pete: Hey, Ms. C, how's it going?
Me: Uh, hey, Pete, good...how are you?
Pete: Oh you know, good good...I work SomePlace now...it's good.
Me: That is good.
Pete: Yeah, I mean, I never hang out w/ anyone from YourRestaurant anymore...you know, kinda sucks. I miss you guys. (I am thinking: Oh God, are we really going to do THIS?) And I mean, I know Lauren is dating Allen, but I mean, whatever. I just want her to be happy. (I am thinking: YOU ARE SUCH A BUZZKILL!!) But yeah, I am gonna go smoke a cigarette. I'll be right back.

*comes back*

Pete: Yeah, I really hope that Lauren and Allen don't come here...I'd be a little mad. Well, there's my friends; gotta go. But hey, Ms. C, I just wanted to tell you...I have always thought you are so beautiful, and I couldn't really say anything before coz I had a girlfriend, but you are so beautiful, and I just wanted to tell you that you should never set your standards low.


Guy(s) #2: Random Bar Guy(s)
So my friend bought us a shot, and this guy with long blonde hair and a fedora comes up to us and says, "Hey, you should come sit with my friend and me....we are bored." So we do.

Fedora: This is my friend. Do you want another shot?
Friend: (pulls out a deck of cards and proceeds to do card tricks)
Me: I guess that is cool, but I am drunk, not 5.
Card: Ouch, sorry.
Me: What is your last name?
Card: You'll have to come back here tomorrow night and find me.
(Fedora comes back, I take the shot, and we leave.)



Guy #3: A Blast from the Past...we'll call him "Jared"
So this is a guy I don't know too well. I had a party last year, and he came with some people I know. HE WAS SO ANNOYING. He is one of those guys who will talk your ear off (kind of like Pete)...to him this is considered flirting....to you, you just want to hang yourself; however, with him, if you don't flirt back then he just considers you a bitch and gets mad. I hadn't seen him in a LONG time.

Jared: Hey, haven't seen you in awhile.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Jared: How have you been?
Me: Good. You?
Jared: Good...man, last time I saw you, you were so mean to me.
Me: No, I wasn't.
(The conversation continues with him telling me how mean I am and me trying to fight the urge to tell him exactly what I think of him.)

So I wake up this morning, and I have a Facebook message from him with the following:

i had to give u a hard time tonite cuz u alway give me one! well anyways under one condition i want u give me your number and thats if u think im cute!

I barely understand what he was trying to say.

Oh man, my life is just full of awkwardness.....and I love it.

moment you'd swear I was blonde #1

So I was driving around last night with the BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who aren't hip) last night, and she started singing, "One is the loneliest number..." This made me think of a movie, so I asked, "Have you seen Mongolia?"

"No, what is it about?"

"Well, let me see if I can remember...it starts off talking about all these interesting/freaky stories about things that were supposed to be coincidence...I mean, I really don't remember. Then, I think it starts playing the song you were singing with a montage, which includes Tom Cruise as a motivational speaker urging his audience to RESPECT THE PENIS...or something like tha-----"

"Wait, are you talking about MAGNOLIA???"

"Oh."

PARTY MONSTER....VIEW THIS FILM!!

Okay, for those of you who have never seen/heard of Party Monster, it takes place in NYC during the late 80s/early 90s. The movie is based on the book Disco Bloodbath by James St. James (Seth Green's character), which is a true story about Michael Alig's (Mac Culkin's character) rise to fame in the clubscene.

From Wikipedia:

"Party Monster (2003) is a drama/dark comedy that details the rise and fall of infamous homosexual^[1][2]New York party promoter Michael Alig. The movie stars former child star Macaulay Culkin as the drug addled "King of the Club Kids". Also in the film are Seth Green as the flamboyant and slightly smarter James St. James, Dylan McDermott as Alig's boss/father figure Peter Gatien, Chloë Sevigny as Alig's girlfriend/fag hag Gitsie, Wilmer Valderrama as his onetime boyfriend DJ Keoki, Wilson Cruz as drug dealer/Club Kid wannabe Angel Melendez, and Marilyn Manson as Christina, a transsexual member of Alig's entourage. A number of real life club kids appeared as extras, including fashion designer Richie Rich and David LaChapelle's transsexual muse Amanda Lepore.

The film is based on St. James' novel Disco Bloodbath, and details his friendship with Alig, which fell apart as Alig's drug addiction worsened, and ended after he murdered Melendez and went to prison. "


And no, I did not just give anything away; you find out about the murder in the first scene.

Anyyyyyway, this movie is scary at times, heartbreaking at times, mind blowing at times, and hilarious at times. I will admit that I find Mac's performance to be a little annoying at times (although I know this is how the real Michael Alig acted); however, SETH GREEN STEALS THE SHOW!! He is absolutely brilliant!!

Alright, you have your assignment; NOW GO!

PS: I also highly recommend researching the phenomena of the Club Kids, as it is highly fascinating (at least to me anyway).
************************************************
"I am not addicted to drugs; I'm addicted to glamour." -- James St. James

No more.

If I get one more bitchy/catty message left on the fridge by one of my roommates, I am going to snap.

I already feel like the "odd girl out" anyway, and I am sick of getting messages that single me out for ridiculous things.

If you want your check for the utilities the day BEFORE the date you said you needed it, then fucking tell me THAT date; otherwise, give me some credit and know that you will get it on the date you said you needed it.

FUCK!

Sorry, I am already having a bad day as it is, and that just put me over the edge.

I am really disturbed about this...

R.I.P. Heath Ledger 04.04.79--01.22.08

I'm kinda shook up about this, because I feel like Heath is the first celebrity of my generation to die an untimely death. I just keep thinking about how Michele Williams is dealing, and what's going to happen when their two-year old daughter Matilda (whose name I adore) wonders where her daddy is.

Heartbreaking.

WTFFFFFF?????!!!

So Friday night two of my room mates had a small bunch of people over (maybe 5 at most...and only one of which was a girl) to drink, play beer pong, and hang out. I did not partake; I went out to the bars. When I got home, they were still here, so we went to bed, whatever, right?

The next day I wake up, go to my bathroom, and discover my hair straightener is gone....my $125 CHI.

What the FUCK????!!!

Who steals something like that.....seriously????

I am so upset / PISSED OFF.

I mean seriously....WTF???

Revelation

I have officially decided that I hate the term "shitshow." ie: "This weekend we are going to drink so much it will be a complete shitshow!"

Maybe I just have a vulgar mind, but whenever I hear that phrase I envision a party or bar of people taking shots and flinging poo at each other. Is it just me?

I really don't know why....but I really just hate that word.

Indications That You are One Lazy MOFO #1

You drink wine from a coffee cup, because you don't want to walk all the way to the kitchen to get a wine glass.

Britney Sightings.....where is she now?

According to Perez, Britney is all over the place, and no one really knows quite where she is.


First she was in Manhatten. No wait, then she was in Mexico. No, she was in Baja, CA. Now, apparently, she's back home in LA.

She's a real-life Where's Waldo (complete with pink wig).

My advice? Stop jet-setting for publicity, and focus on your upcoming court date about your CHILDREN!!!! Apparently, K-Fed wants her to be court ordered to not see the kids til April. But what's four months when you're busy frequenting the Starbucks of the country with an unattractive, womanizing Papparazzo?

Check out my Bible: www.perezhilton.com!

PS: Do you think Britney's current song on her iPod is "Addiction" by Kanye? Perhaps.

A Much Needed Letter

Dear Britney Spears,

As you may or may not know, I hated you growing up. I felt that you were a horrible role model. In fact, I even dressed up as you for Halloween in 7th grade complete with slutty spandex pants and what I considered at the time to be "trashy" hair and makeup. Basically, you made me feel bad about myself, because I thought I was fat. In my opinion, you had the perfect body. In retrospect, I was jealous.

Nowadays?

I no longer envy you! Holy fuck, Britney Spears, what the hell happened to you? It's one thing to hop on the Hollywood bandwagon of drugs, partying, and general debauchery, but you have children for Chrissake! How are you going to feel when they are old enough to see pictures of how psychotic you are and understand them? I'm sure they are going to be oh-so-proud of their Mommy. Because of you, the Federline boys will be forever taunted on the playground.

So congratulations, Ms. Trainwreck of the Year! You are now only a role model for wannabe drug addicts, psychos, and bad mothers!

Cheers,
Ms. C

PS: I found this on Perez : www.whenisbritneygoingtodie.com