Monday, December 24, 2007

My UnRealistic Christmas List

Dear Santa,

Please bring me the following things:

  • the end of global warming
  • my school loans paid off
  • my credit card bill paid off
  • free grad school
  • the end of the war
  • the return of the vision of the 60s....peace and love
  • the end of my unending lack of security
  • more schools and aid for those in Africa
  • the world's (even just the country's) literacy rate to rise
  • a major revision to No Child Left Behind
Oh, and a Red Rider BB Gun.

That is all.

Thank you, Santa.

Love,
Ms. C

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

This is how you know you're old....

Disclaimer: Okay, before anyone starts jumpin' on me....I'm only 21, and I do realize that that is in no way really considered "old."

I meant to post this awhile ago when I was still student teaching, but stuff happens.

Going back to high school (granted to teach and not to learn) has made me realize one very depressing thing: I'm getting old!! I used to think I was all hip to the current lingo and trends; I was wrong. While I am aware of some "cool" things (which undoubtedly shocks my students), there are so many new words, phrases, gestures, etc. with which I am unfamiliar.

For example, while at a volleyball game, two of my male 11th graders appeared and chastised me for grading papers at a volleyball game (see? I'm old!). One of them then proceeded to teach me a handshake inspired by the song "Pop Lock and Drop It." It is done as follows:



"Pop"

"Lock"

"and Drop It."

Y'learn something new everyday. That kid makes me do this "handshake" with him almost every time he sees me. Silly. Hey, I may be old, but at least I get a "Ms. Cynic is cool!" every now and then. And that's all that really matters, right?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Strange

I really need to stop having dreams about hooking up with random, various people that I know.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

VMA's; minute by minute commentary

Britney Spears' performance
So her first performance since.....she went crazy, I guess. It was...decent, I'll say. First of all, the costume? Yuck. She was wearing...basically a sparkly bra and underwear with knee-high boots. She could have kept the top if she had put some pants on. Her butt was jiggling the whole time. So Britney isn't as energetic as she once was. Although I was never a huge fan of hers, I always gave her props for putting on a good show. Where was the enthusiasm, Brit? She literally walked from dance block to dance block. It was almost lazy. She did have a couple of cool moves, but they in no way made up for the fact that she was so obviously lip synching it was painful to watch. At some points she didn't even move her lips...like there wasn't even an attempt at looking legit. All in all, I'd give her a C for effort....I mean, the chick's been through a lot. Keep practicing, Brit.

Sarah Silverman's opening monologue
Crazy as usual. I usually laugh at her coz she makes me uncomfortable;although, she just told one joke that made me crack up: "So I was backstage, and I saw C-Lo. I asked him if he had encountered any racism. And he gave me this really weird response. He said, 'I'm Kanye West'." Other than that funny joke, same 'ol Sarah Silverman.

Alicia Keys presenting
Ummmmm....where has she been? She is way too shiny.

Nicole S and Eve presenting
Where has Eve been too? Nicole looked stunning as usual.

Kanye West performance
I just love him. I don't care what anyone says.

Rihanna award
Her dress is gorgeous. It's a hot pink number, and I want it.

Maroon 5 performing
Adam Levine is just so yummy. I'm disappointed that this was just a "filler" performance, and we only got to see like one minute of it.

Justin Timberlake award
I honestly can't tell you what award he just won. I'm too busy staring and drooling.

50 Cent/Kanye
The little face-off they just did was hilarious. For those of you who don't know: both Kanye and 50's albums are dropping on Tuesday (9/11). 50 has announced that if Kanye outsells him, 50 will retire. They're not even talking to each other.

Beyonce award
She won 'Best Collaboration' with Shakira. She looks beautiful as always, but I don't quite know how I feel about her toga-inspired dress. Her boobs are about to pop out.

Chris Brown performance
One word: DAMN! This dude can DANCE! I am in awe of him. Rihanna looks beautiful too.

Justin Timberlake award
Again, I just wanna crawl through the TV screen. His comments about Chris Brown being young are funny.

Ludacris not going on stage
So Fergie just won an award, and she couldn't make it. The presenter (I don't even know who this kid is) just jokingly invited Ludacris onstage, and Luda declined! C'mon, Luda....I don't see you winning any awards.

Pamela Anderson
Same as always.....at least her dress was some-what modest.

Kanye performance (new song)
Never heard this song before...don't really like it, but Kanye is still always fun to watch.

Rihanna performance
I love her little punkish, Madonna circa 1985 inspired mini-dress.

Nelly presenting
Ummm....holding a beer and can barely get his words out. Classy.

Alica Keys performance
I don't like her headband thingy. I miss the Alicia who used to pound the shit out of a piano. I don't really like the little gospel group in the background. Wow, this just turned into a church gathering.

Jamie Fox and Jennifer Garner presenting
Did anyone else just see the tech guy like push Jennifer down the steps? Anyway, Jamie Fox is crazy, and Jennifer looks gorgeous as usual. hahaha...Jamie is cracking me up.

Best New Artist: Gym Class Heroes
Probably the only award these guys will even win.

50 Cent performance
If you're trying to promote your new album, why would you perform "In Da Club"? Promote your new shit!

Mary J. Blige
Mary, I don't like your blonde bob. Sorry.

Dr. Dre
Wait, he's presenting an award? So they had a presenter present a presenter? Weird. Dang I thought he was performing.

Rihanna--Video of the Year
Wow, this is Rihanna's year. Really love her hair!

Young Joc and Diddy
Diddy: "It's not over til I saw it's over." Man, this dude is just full of himself in general.
Young Joc: "Don't go nowhere!" Mannnnnn, bad grammar is sooooo cool!!!

Nelly Furtado/Timbaland/JT
Nelly Furtado: gorgeous

Laser lights are hurting my eyes.

Timbaland: Wow, I never realized how buff he is. :)

JT: O.....M....G. Britney Spears, wtf the fuck were you thinking let him go???!!??

"Give It to Me": I was hoping they'd all perform this song! Well.....that ending was abrupt.

And so is mine.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Jumping on the bandwagon.....

So I've seen this little diddy on at least two other blogs....figured I'd join in as well.

THE RULES: Elaborate on the words below kids!

Accent – British and Australian accents make me melt....especially when I'm drunk. Yeah, especially when I'm drunk.

I Don't Drink – whiskey. Whiskey makes me act like a burly man who wants to fight everyone. I am, in reality, the opposite of this facade. Once this past summer at a bar I was trying to impress this guy I know. I asked him what shot he wanted, and I thought he said, "Anything with whiskey." I almost gagged at the thought of it, but I'm a "guy's girl" right? I can handle it, right? So the bartender sets the shots in front of us, and the guy says, "What's this?" After the bartender replies that's it's Jim Beam, the guy looks at me angrily and says, "I said anything but whiskey!" Oops.

Chore I Hate – pairing up socks. I never come up with an even number. I find socks I didn't even know I had.

Pets – I have a 6 year old Shepard/Boxer mix, but she lives with my parents. I miss her!!

Essential Electronic – My laptop. I don't know what I would if I couldn't check Facebook every five minutes. I'm serious. It's sick but true.

Perfume/Cologne – I've been wearing Clinique "Happy" since middle school (I'm 21), and I'm okay with that. You find something you like; you stick with it.

Gold or silver – I'll say silver colored....it can be silver or white gold; I just don't like gold colored things.

Insomnia – when the TV's not on

Job Title – student....this semester I'm a student teacher....also, server aka my tables' bitch

Most Admired Trait – sense of humor....anyone who can make me laugh is a-okay in my book!

Kids – I obviously like them if I teach them; however, teaching is the BEST form of birth control!

Religion – is not something that is important to me....at all.

Siblings – 1 full brother, 2 stepsisters, and 1 half brother

Time I wake up – as of now, 5:30-6, and it suuuuuucks!

Unusual talent/skill – I can make a 3 leaf clover w/ my tongue. :O)

Vegetable I refuse to eat – olives or mushrooms

Worst habit – biting the skin around my fingers....it's a compulsive habit

X-rays – ummm.....well, I busted my chin open when I was three or four, but I have no idea if that required an x-ray. If it didn't, then my first one was when I was about 15 or 16. I had chest x-rays because I was having trouble breathing. Turns out, I was just having anxiety attacks--yay!

My favorite meal – either wings and beer or spaghetti and meatballs

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Eeeeeevery time......

New haircut.

Hate it.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Ouch.

So last Thursday I was ironing my shirt for work.

Hold on. Back up.

I must explain....

I have a table-top ironing board that I have placed on my mini-fridge.

Also, a couple days before, I accidentally dripped bleach on my black work pants.

Okay, where was I?

So I was ironing my shirt for work. I finished this and then decided to try to color in the bleach sports with a black Sharpie. I stupidly decided to do this ON the ironing board. Before I knew it, the pressure I was putting on the ironing board by leaning on it caused the board to slip off my fridge and my iron to fall on my arm!!!

Yes, I'm quite sure they're 2nd degree burns.














Probably should have gone to the doctor, but I didn't. I've been doctoring it myself, and it seems to be healing just fine. My problem is that because I've been wearing a bandage in the same spot so often, I've started to have a reaction to the bandage and have now broken out around the burn.

Gerrrrr.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Hello, strangers!

So I've been MIA for quite sometime now.

I doubt anyone has even noticed, but if anyone out there even reads this, I'm back!

I've been workin' my backend off (I'm broke as a joke), and this past weekend I went home for the boyfriend's 21st birthday and my best friend's wedding.

PLUS, I moved into my new place. It's nice here; definitely a "college" house (old, older appliances, kinda "dirty" etc.). I'm in the basement though, and it's freezing. I need to get a space heater, because I'm kind of miserable.

ANYWAY.....I'm back to finishing up the first season of Melrose Place.

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"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades." -- Demetri Martin


Saturday, June 23, 2007

Fergalicious Def....

With the help of "The Dutchess," I now know how to spell the following words:

glamorous
delicious
tastEy (other less reliable sources tell me that there is no "E" but they obviously don't know what they're talking about)

Thank you, Fergie.

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"And I'm like 'get up out my face' 'fore I turn around and spray yo' ass with mace." - The Ferg...brilliance

I mean, seriously?

I remember in Junior Honors English in high school, we were reading The Grapes of Wrath. My teacher asked how a box of Cracker Jacks relates to the story. I gave this fantastic metaphor about with Cracker Jacks, you have four options:

1) You eat and eat and eat until finally your hard work is paid off with the special prize.
2) You don't like Cracker Jacks, but you eat them anyway to get the special prize.
3) You cheat and throw the Cracker Jacks away just to get to the special prize.
4) You don't like Cracker Jacks, and who cares about the special prize?

Suck was with the story. The Joad family could have worded hard for a better life despite obstacles, or they could have given up.

Isn't that fabulous?

"No, that's not right."

Whhhhhhat?

That was freaking brilliant!

You want to know what she said?

"Cracker Jacks are sweet, and so if life."

What the hell?

A third grader could have come up with that! Anything could apply to it:

"M&Ms are sweet, and so is life."

"Honeysuckles are sweet, and so is life."

"Surfing is sweet, dude! And so is life."

I mean, seriously, what the hell?

What the hell, Mrs. Gooch?

What the hell?

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*****************************
"The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon."
---John Skow

Monday, June 18, 2007

A Brief Lesson in Grammar

I know for some people, grammar may not seem important in their day to day lives; however, because I am a future English teacher, and because it just drives me nuts, I have decided to put together a mini-lesson with the basic necessities.

1) noun - person, place, thing, or idea (example: Grandma, Vermont, doll, love)
adjective - descriptive word that modifies a noun (ex: red shoes, tiny hand, crazy lady)
adverb - describes verbs, adjectives, and other adverbs; tells how or where (ex: quickly
ran, clumsily undressed)
conjunction - connects words phrases, and clauses (ex: he and I, neither here nor there,
handsome yet slimy)
pronoun - stands in for a noun (ex: he, she, it, they, me)
verb - shows action (ex: jump, think, love, hop)
interjection - interrupts (ex: hey!, hark!)
preposition - connects nouns by showing some kind of relationship (ex: over the hedge,
up
a creek)
(^^LEARN THESE; KNOW THESE!!!^^)

2) No double negatives! Read the following sentence: "I don't have no money!" Does this look correct to you? If not, then bravo. If so, why??? Do you even realize what this sentence actually means? You are really saying, "I don't have a nonexistent amount of money," which is another way to say that you have money, because you are saying that you don't have NO money. Get it?

3) To quote Ross from Friends, "Y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e means 'you are'. Y-o-u-r means 'your'!" These two words are not interchangeable--they mean very different things! An English teacher of mine once told us a little trick: the presence of an apostrophe means that it is replacing something else; therefore, it should be easier to tell that "you're" means "you are" because the apostrophe clues us in that it is replacing the "a" in "you are". This area of grammar also applies to "its/it's," "their/they're/there," etc.

4) "I" is a proper noun. It should be capitalized!

5) She and I went shopping...NOT...she and me went shopping!!! Here's a trick: Take out "she". Would you say, "Me went shopping?" Nope.

6) Subjects and verbs must agree! Read: "A book of matches were found under the corpse." Right? Wrong. There is only one book of matches; therefore, the sentence should read, "A book of matches was found under the corpse."

7) Please use punctuation. Run-ons are no fun and hard to read.

I probably sound quite pompous. I am. haha.......Anyway, just think before you type, and I'll be happy.

- Ms. Cynic


PS: I'm sure I'll make a mistake soon, and people will pounce me me. Can't wait. :D

Sunday, June 17, 2007

who knows?

Sometimes I wonder....are the people around me really that inconsiderate, or do I just expect too much from people...?

I honestly think it's the former.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Yummmmmmm!

I should sell my baked spaghetti.

It's to die for.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Hi, friends.

Apologies for the brief hiatus.

Back soon!

Monday, June 4, 2007

To be or not to be?

To be or not to be? At U.S. colleges, it's increasingly 'not'

May 21, 2007
The world loves Shakespeare. But American universities don't.

That is the conclusion of a new study released by the American Council of Trustees and Alumni. The report, "The Vanishing Shakespeare," surveyed English curricula at 70 major American colleges and universities. Only 15 require their English majors to take a course on Shakespeare. The rest allow the English teachers of tomorrow to graduate without studying the language's greatest writer in depth.

Only one institution requires Shakespeare in the Ivy League -- Harvard. And a mere three others of U.S. News' top 25 liberal arts colleges -- Middlebury, Smith and Wellesley -- require the study of the Bard.

At most of America's top colleges, Shakespeare is simply an elective -- one among many. That puts him on a par with literature courses on "Nags, Bitches and Shrews" at Dartmouth; Los Angeles, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Baywatch at Northwestern; baseball at Emory, and "Cool Theory," at Duke, where students devote themselves to the study of a single word of American slang.

It used to be that our colleges and universities could be counted on to introduce students to the central works, events and figures who have shaped our world as part of a shared conversation. But not anymore.

Students can now graduate from most of the top-ranked colleges in America without having much meaningful exposure to anything. Indeed, in today's academy, there has been a breakdown in the belief that a shared core of learning is important, or that some subjects are more worthy than others. As former Harvard Dean Harry Lewis explains in Excellence without a Soul: "Universities are having a hard time making the case that the education they offer is about anything in particular. 'Breadth' and 'choice' have become goals in themselves."

Mind you, most colleges claim otherwise. Haverford College's English department, for example, claims to "maintain a working balance between an enduring commitment to the traditional canon of English and American literature and an expanding horizon of fresh concerns." And yet, there the Bard is not even an option. In 2006-2007, Haverford College's English department did not offer a single Shakespeare course.

And it's not just Shakespeare who's in trouble. When ACTA surveyed the general education requirements of 50 colleges in 2004, 88 percent did not require a broad literature survey and 86 percent did not require a basic American history or civics course. That's why institutions like UCLA -- which requires its English majors to take Shakespeare, Chaucer and Milton -- are rare, but Hamilton College, which recently scuttled plans for a new scholarly center to study its namesake, Alexander Hamilton, is nothing unusual.

The idea that the Bard and the Founders are unworthy of special attention, of course, does not have much currency in the outside world. That's surely the case in the Windy City, where the Web site for the Chicago Shakespeare Theater highlights "acclaimed productions of William Shakespeare's canon." Why is it, then, that our colleges have such different values?

A college curriculum should not be a do-it-yourself kit. But that is, in fact, what it has become. Instead of directing the next generation of Americans to the most important authors and ideas that ensure an educated person, our universities have abdicated their professional responsibility in favor of "anything goes."

In our global world, it is surely more important than ever for college graduates to understand the civilization that produced them. But if our colleges don't insist that even their English majors study Shakespeare, who will pass on that knowledge to future generations?

Trustees, alumni, parents and students should not sit idly by while the attack on academic values goes unchallenged. It is imperative that all of us demand change and essential that our colleges and universities refocus their efforts on academic quality and academic value. Restoring Shakespeare to his proper place would be a good place to start.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

How To Not Completely Suck at Starbucks

So I've been a barista for almost five years now, and I have to say, sometimes people just suck. Here's a handy dandy list I've compiled to help even the most schmoe of Joes fit in.

1) Do not say, "I want a Starbucks." I highly doubt you mean to buy an entire Starbucks franchise. This just makes you sound unintelligent, and I silently mock you.

2) If you say decaf, 9.9/10 times it will be decaf. Stop asking me 508 times between the time you order and the time I hand you your drink. I understand some people absolutely cannot drink caffeine, but give me a little credit.

3) Some people need non-fat milk.

4) Pregnant women: please don't be offended if I ask you if you want decaf. I'm just trying to help.

5) I'm the one that works here, so please don't tell me how to make your drink. Believe it or not, I went through this little thing called "training".

6) DO NOT patronize me by saying, "Oh, you did such a good job!" I already know I did, jerk.

7) I am not a babysitter; therefore, do not yell at me if your brats get hurt or wander away.

8) Hey, Braniac: the type of milk is part of your order. Try telling me what kind you want before I start pouring the default--which is whole.

9) I know I may look it, but I am not, in fact, a freaking mind reader.

10) Just because you came in once in 1946 does not mean I'm necessarily going to remember you or your drink.

11) Unless I initiate it (which I usually will), let's skip the small talk, shall we?

12) God forbid your cheap ass should bring a date here; however, if so, save the teen-aged groping at least until you get to the car.

13) "No, we do not sell newspapers" does not mean you should list off every newspaper ever printed. No newspapers = no newspapers!!!

14) Do not waltz over and sneer, "Are these all the pastries you have?" Actually, your highness, we do have a secret room of royal pastries for your rude ass.

15) "Is there any way you can block out the sun?" Hold on, let me pull out this giant window shade I keep in my pocket. Find a cave, you vampire.

16) "Pretty girl like you got a boyfriend?" You are old and creepy and should be castrated.

17) If you ask for you Caramel Macchiato stirred, why don't you just get a vanilla latte with caramel on top? It's basically the same thing.

18) It's fine if you have no idea what you want to order (although it's apparent you're just trying to hop on the edgy, hip Starbucks bandwagon), but at least come prepared with questions.

19) I've got a line of people seven people deep. Do you really think I have time to answer crap like, "Think it'll rain today?"

20) To Mr. Fatty McFattersen: maybe you should skip the whipped cream today?

21) You are NOT allowed to come behind the counter for any reason, even to wash your hands. Are you mental?

22) Do not reach over the counter to get your own straws or lids. Would you like it if I reached into your purse to get your money myself?

23) Yeah, yeah, your kids are sooooo adorable, blah, blah, blah. Keep them quiet, and clean up after them.

24) "Caffe Mocha" and "mocha" are the same thing. When you order the former and I call out the latter (because I'm not a tool), don't say that's not what you ordered.

25) Don't get mad at me when you find out your venti Strawberries and Creme Frappuccino with extra whipped cream has over 500 calories. I neither manufacture the ingredients nor force/suggest you order it, lardass.

26) Don't ask me a question and then tell me I'm wrong, claiming you are a "coffee connoisseur". If this is the case, go home and make your own damn coffee. Or better yet, open up your own coffee shop, prick.

27) I don't pick the music, so don't humor me by telling me I have good taste.

28) Just because I am a female and my co-worker is a male, does not mean we are dating!!

29) If you are on your cell phone, you are not allowed to correct me or complain that I did something wrong...in fact, it is preferred that you not be in line at all.

30) I don't care how attractive you are, I'm not giving you a free drink.

31) "Have a free sample" does not mean take as many as you need to not have to buy a drink.

32) Don't bring coffee from aisle 4 (the coffee aisle at Target) and have me grind it. There's a do-it-yourfreakingself grinder right there.

33) Dear Mr. Comedian--I hate you.

34) No, Bobbie Sue, we don't have "Cool Whip". If that's what you want, you should probably go to your grandma's house.

35) "I really need my coffee" is not an excuse for your rudeness or stupidity.

36) If you're ordering the same thing as the person before you, tell me! I can make them at the same time, and it will be faster, duh!

37) Don't ask me what the samples are when there's a sign right next to them.

38) Demanding that I turn off "that weird Mexican sounding music" makes you sound like one of the stupidest and most culturally ignorant people I have ever seen.


So there you have it. Follow all these rules (and I'm sure I'll think of more later), and I promise we baristas won't make fun of you after you leave with your precious little latte.


Maybe.

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"Body odor can result in the loss of otherwise happy customers." -- Amtrack training manual, 1999

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

No server dreams tonight, please!

I've been a server for about a year now...at three different restaurants. I hate saying that to people, because I sound like a job hopper. I'm not.

  1. Restaurant A (hereafter known as RA)
    1. May '06-August '06
    2. First serving job. Really liked the people at first, but got tired of the management, sexual harassment, and just...the people.
    3. Left because it was just a summer job back home...had to go back to school.
  2. Restaurant B (hereafter known as RB)
    1. September '06-May '07
    2. Got a job there because my roommate already worked there and recommended me. Great co-workers, fabulous management. We were never busy, and I made no money; however, I absolutely loved working there.
    3. Left because the restaurant closed.
  3. Restaurant C (hereafter known as RC)
    1. Current job
    2. Was thankfully able to transfer here, because it is also part of the same company as RB. I'm not finished training yet, but so far the people are nice. I'm ready to make some money!
    3. Hopefully not leaving for awhile.
I'm sure I'll be discussing my life as a server a lot in this blog, because it's a big part of my life. So much, in fact, that I tend to have (as I'm sure many servers do) "server dreams".

A server dream is a very stressful, very realistic dream that involves myself--what else?--serving. My whole dream consists of managing tables, and I usually get very stressed out while I sleep. Sometimes my dreams get so overwhelming that they wake me up. I really hate them, because it makes me think that I work too much. I do. But that's not the point.

I had my first server dream in a good while last night. It involved a table with a very, very, very rude woman. I did everything I could to please her, but nothing seemed to go right. I ended up neglecting my other tables in the act. During one part of the dream, I remember walking by her and seeing her give her husband two dollars. He said, "Shouldn't we leave her more?" She said, "Are you kidding? She's a terrible server. She hasn't done anything right. Why should I feel guilty about not leaving her more?" But I wasn't a terrible server.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep last night. I think I was just anxious about my second day of training tomorrow. I'm sure there will be more server dreams to be had in the next couple of weeks as I continue to grab the reins of RC.

Just not tonight, please.

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"Honey, this ice is just too cold." -- This was actually said to one of the bartenders at RB once.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Come one; come all!

It seems as though every time I'm feeling a little bored or frisky, I start a brand new blog. I've done the livejournal thang, had a journal on Bolt, written occasional blogs on MySpace, and even written a note or two on Facebook. The thing is though...

I never stick with them.

I plan to this time. I feel as though now that I'm almost out of college, I've got more to say.

And I'm gonna say them.

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"You can take the girl out of Manhatten, but you can't take me out of my shoes." -- Miranda on "Sex and the City"